Why Ethiopia?

Upon telling everyone about our decision to start our journey I've gotten a ton of questions which I love because it gives me the opportunity to explain and share our story. The most frequent question is "Why did yall choose Ethiopia?" so I thought I'd copy an email I sent to my aunt when she asked. Of course, there are a TON more reasons "why" that we've written about and those can be read by clicking on the "why" link on the left side bar under "What we write about". =)

We had always said we'd adopt from China because of our experience there but both spouses had to be 30 before starting the process. When we looked into it again back in Dec. the China wait is now 4-6 years to get a healthy baby! We couldn't believe how long the wait was now. They also changed their qualifications because they have realized how much they are adopting out and how skewed their popluation is for gender ratio. Many more boys than girls and it's affecting them greatly.

So we started researching elsewhere. I came across a TON of people who have adopted or are adopting from Ethiopia and found out that next to China, Ethiopia is the most common country to adopt from now! A huge reason is because the process is much more reasonable than other intrenational adoptions, the country welcomes American families to adopt and it's always a plus to have the government to be supportive because they could change anything at anytime in the process. The adoption environment seems to be very stable comparitively and you only had to travel once when you usually have to travel twice. Well, last month they did change the travel requirement to two times so that will probably deflect some of the people who were interested (sadly) but by the time we got that news, we were already in love and sold on the country. I've read over and over again how much you just love the people and country after you return and how many people go back numerous times. They have such content hearts over there and are so generous and kind.

Also, here are some ASTOUNDING statistics that just opened our eyes to the need for orphan care over there:

WHY ETHIOPIA?
~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutritio
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)
~ There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia (the country is twice the size of Texas)
~ Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
~ Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.
~ 88% will never attend secondary school
~ Coffee prices (Ethiopia's only major export) declined 40-60% from 1998-2002
~ Ethiopia's doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000
~ Severe drought struck country from 2000-2002 (first year no crops, second year no seeds, third year no animals)

Isn't that terrible? So with all that info and with God's help pointing us in that direction, we feel really called to adopt from Ethiopia. The day after I realized that we could adopt from Eth. (back in Jan.) I met a family at Claire's swim school who was just about to travel to get their little girl! I hadn't seen her since then and a few weeks ago her other little girl was put in Claire's swim class so now we see each other every week! She has been a great resource and will be a great friend. God totally put her in our life! God has obviously put adoption on our hearts from the very beginning of our family which I've found to be rare but even more rare, He has given both Neil and I the passion for different countries and cultures. For helping where there is need. For teaching our girl's that there is NO boundary on love. We both share that and most amazingly, we share it at the same time when a lot of couples have one ready and not the other.

We won't know who our little one is until we get a referral which won't be for another 6-7 months away. But God knows who He has for us! At the time of referral we will get as much information as they have about his medical history, health (they do extensive testing) and family background. There are so many reasons why there are so many orphans - parent's die (huge number of women die during childbirth), they can't afford to take care of a baby, they don't want the baby, etc. The bottom line is there are SO many and we must respond.
First of all, I have to admit that I kind of struggled with the decision because it was such a new idea in the first place. I mean, what did I know about Ethiopia? Or Africa for that matter? How was I going to raise a healthy, strong black man in today's society? I was scared and still have our fears. We are going into this knowing that we will have challenges and questions. But we just kept being pointed to Ethiopia and God really made it clear that this was HIS plan, not ours. We were to follow His lead and be obedient. We trust that He will give us exactly what we need when we need it.

Part 2: Why (by Neil)

In my first post I discussed the first reason why we wanted to adopt and focused on "our calling" to adopt. Now I move towards more "concrete" reasons.

As a little brother I was always on the look out for what was "fair". "Shannon got the front seat last time - that's not fair!" "Shannon's been on the phone for an hour - it's not fair!" As I grew older, my concern for fairness changed out of just selfish gain and grew to become a passion for justice for the world around me. As I became educated and grew more aware at the inequities of the global economic system it disturbed and angered me.

A few months back when praying with Claire, I asked for God to help us heal this broken world. Claire immediately interrupted the prayer and said, "Dad, the world isn't broken." I had to be the first to tell her that this world isn't as it should be. I explained that there were many sad and terrible things going on, even as we prayed. You might just think this is a nice example about a child's innocence, but for most of us the immediate world around us "isn't" broken. We're quite comfortable in our air conditioned homes, flat screen HDTV's and wireless internet. Most of us go to sleep well-fed (or over-fed) in our comfortable beds. There is a disconnect between our reality and the reality as experienced by most of our neighbors around the world.

For most of the world, life is hard and frequently, an unforgiving place. I thought about copying and pasting world poverty statistics but sometimes numbers can numb us or even paralyze us with fear that the problem is too big to solve. However, if you are curious about global hunger and global poverty there are many fine web sites that are just a click away, like Oxfam or UNICEF.

To sum up the situation:

 Billions of people live on the edge....a minor emergency or loss of a job might crash them into abject poverty.

 Billions live without physical security, health care, or basic human and worker rights.

 Millions don't know if they will be able to eat today, many of them surviving and living in landfills.

 Thousands of children around the world die every single day from hunger or lack of clean water.

 Hundreds of thousands, if not over a million of children reside in poverty-stricken countries and are in need of food, education, and most of all, love and hope from two parents that can provide the basics for their lives.


I believe these facts should be unacceptable to all of us. I don't really want to explore the logistical or political issues in how these problems could be/should be solved because it frankly doesn't matter. It seems to me that those of us in the industrialized nations collectively lack the compassion, creativity and will power to eradicate these issues. Worse still, we actually benefit from their suffering in various ways (ever wonder how you got that cell phone for under a hundred dollars or that Old Navy T-shirt for 5 bucks?)

So, what are we doing about this? Sure, we can continue to write off checks to Oxfam or other organizations (and I'd suggest you do so, as well)....but what else? I talk about global and local poverty in my class, I try to include social justice in my teaching at the church. We do some volunteer work from time to time here in San Antonio...but still....What am I going to do about this? How can we help this desperate situation?

Before I go further I want to make it clear we're not adopting because we want to accomplish a great charitable act. We don't think of this as our "good deed" or are looking for a pat on the back. Having said that, I believe our concerns for global poverty did help motivate us towards this decision.

Many claim that international adoption only props up the system of inequity. Some claim that many children that are internationally adopted are often "stolen" or given to agencies for money. We take both of these concerns seriously.

We want to select an agency that has a spotless record of legal adoption. We will not select an organization that pays mothers for their babies. That's one issue that I have several questions about to potential agencies when we get further into the process. I also agree in the inherent tragic circumstances that results in a mother giving her child up. I believe a mother should never be forced to give up a child because of poverty. However, the fact remains it happens frequently.

I often tell my students that we should "do what we can, when we can" - meaning we might not individually end global poverty but that we can take steps within our means. While we will be advocates for systemic change we also recognize that right now there are children that need homes. We want to take responsibility for our piece of this puzzle in solving global poverty. We want to raise our son (yes, son) to be an advocate for his home country. We want to help change the world by changing one situation.

Well, I've written a lot but I haven't finished just yet. In the next entry I will write on the role that our faith has played into our decision.

Why Ethiopia?

WHY ETHIOPIA?

~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest
in the world)
~ There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia
~ Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country
in Africa
~ Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.
~ 88% will never attend secondary school
~ Coffee prices (Ethiopia's only major export) declined 40-60% from 1998-2002
~ Ethiopia's doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000
~ Severe drought struck country from 2000-2002
(first year no crops, second year no seeds, third year
no animals)

Why? By Neil


I decided to jump into the blog, so here I go, head first.

Why? It’s a general question that I often ask myself and it has been a driving force in my own life.

I ask my students to know who they are, what they believe and why…so I can’t ask myself anything less.

Before we had seriously contemplated adoption, we didn’t realize the need to be able to fully articulate why we wanted to do this. It all seemed so far away in the future that our feelings and answers were general and non-concrete.

However, not only do I need to answer this question for myself but I want to answer this question so that I can be ready to respond to those who don’t understand why we want to adopt.


I’ll start with the most difficult to explain, the most intangible, but probably the most important reason…it’s our calling.


Part I: The Calling

I don’t know when it happened but it was long before Kathryn and I were married when we first discussed adoption. I hadn’t given it serious thought up until that point but like most things I had an open mind about it.

As years went by we discussed it more frequently, but in general and broad terms. We assumed we would take it more seriously after we had our first child. Years went by, Claire came and although we spoke about it a little more often we put off any serious discussion until our second child. A few years went by and then Eden came and now….we find ourselves at a crossroad.

I don’t know how to express this without sounding crazy – but I think adoption is one of our “callings”. I don’t necessarily mean this in mystical sense (although more on that below) but I think something in us is driving us with the desire to adopt. I might define this “calling” as a mish-mash of our personalities, passions, spirit, interests and maybe, just maybe, our destiny (this is starting to sound like a "Lost" episode).

I’m a little wary of reading too much into my past or my present because I think humans have a tendency to justify just about any decision by doing just that. However, when I think about where my interests and personality meet, it’s telling. I have an open mind, an interest in global travel and a passion for social justice. Combine this with my (our) Christian background, adoption seems to make more sense. I am a believer but often I feel a little odd proclaiming my interests to be in line with “God’s will” (this presumption has led to justifications that were never in God’s will)….but it feels as though God has placed these interests in our hearts for a reason. It doesn’t mean these interests and passions are solely there for me to become an adoptive father, but rather they exist there to make me who I am.

I believe there is something in our hearts that has been calling us and is calling us towards this path. I don’t know if I can fully understand why or how – but to deny the calling would be like trying to change the direction of the wind. I told Kathryn a few weeks back that there will never be a day that we will regret taking this child as our own….but there likely would be a day when we ponder what kind of a difference we could have made by adopting.


Next up will be Part II: Justice

Reality

This is a hard post for me but I've been thinking about it a lot and wanting to get it out. When we first started talking about adoption I was only 22 and we were set on China. The minimum age requirement was 30 so we knew we had awhile before we'd be on that road. Well, now I'm turning thirty, we have two girls and this adoption that we've always talked about is now a reality. Honestly, about 3-4 months ago it kind of hit me - this reality - and I freaked out. I was doubting. I mean, this would now be the next step in our family. Is this really what we want?

In facing my doubt and being honest with myself, I realized that it was me being selfish and just plain greedy. I wanted to be pregnant again so I could feel that baby moving, eat what I want, experience the miracle of birth all over again. How could I choose that when I've already been blessed with two pregnancies and so many women are unable to have any? I doubted being able to bond with a child who I didn't "carry". But you know who was making me feel like this? Satan. He sure does convince a girl. But you know who won again? God. He is so faithful with his peace and guidance. The Holy Spirit totally came over me about mid-December as I read through The Pratterbox Blog. I read the story of this young couple and was just overwhelmed. I saw a picture of little Aaron. His sweet round cheeks, big brown eyes, full puckered lips. He is SO darn cute! But then I watched a video of how Hannah's Hope was established and when I watched those children just in awe of getting shoes.... wow.... this little boy was dancing like I've never seen before. That bright smile, lanky arms and utter joy... I was sold and I no longer felt like I NEEDED to be pregnant again. I just need and WANT to be a mother to another beautiful child.

I know that HE gave us a heart for adoption. For orphans. For the least of these.

And we shouldn't ignore it.

Neil said something the other night. He said that we are equipped with gifts and called to jobs such as teaching and that he thinks people are called to adoption. We have ceratinly been called and we will not let the machine take a message. We are here and even though there is still a little fear of the unknown, we can rest in knowing that His will be done and that He will be there with us every step of the way.

no, really.... why?

So I just read my last post and realized that I never REALLY expressed why I want to adopt besides it always being something I've wanted to do. Wow - this is a toughy and a loaded question but I can sum it up in a few short words.

God is Love.

He loves us enough to open His arms to us when we don't have anywhere to turn, to celebrate with us, to hold us up, to encourage us, to be the only one we can 100% depend on because we all know people disappoint and fail. He is there even when we turn away. What more precious than to share God's love to a child who doesn't know the word family? Who doesn't have someone they can turn to, celebrate with, get an atta-boy or atta-girl and just be themselves with people who will love them NO MATTER WHAT... it breaks my heart to know there are so many orphans out there wondering where they belong. Neil and I have SOOOO much love to give (Claire and Eden too!) and we want to share it with a child who needs and craves it so desperately. We want to show this child of our heart the love of Christ and let them know that we will love them NO MATTER WHAT. They will be our sweet child but they are first a child of God.

We are certainly not motivated simply by wanting to "save" someone but to LOVE them. Our heart breaks for all those children and although we can't help all of them, we can bring one home to a forever family.

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Matthew 25:35-40
35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

A seed is planted

People wonder why we want to adopt especially when we've been blessed with having two girls the old fashioned way and you know what? I don't remember a time in my life when I thought about kids and a family when adoption was ever an option for me. It's just always been something I wanted and I truly believe God placed in my heart.

When Neil and I started dating and talked about kids he was 100% on board with adoption because he knew that he wanted to do it some day too. How awesome is that? God planted it in our hearts long before we even fell in love. We always talked about wanting to have two biologically and then adopt our third.

Our heart strings attached to adoption actually made me think "I wonder if we won't be able to conceive?" and He was just getting our hearts ready for starting our adoption process earlier than our plan. Well, we got pregnant really fast with both girlies.

Throughout our years of marriage I've read, questioned others and researched but always thinking that it was far away. Now it's on our doorstep.... Eden is 14 months old. We'd like the kids to be close in age so we are now asking for prayers for God's will to be done as far as the when and where details. The past 3 weeks we've asked our life group to pray and this past weekend I put it on our prayer wall at the ladies retreat. So it's out there... people know we really are serious and that we are going to need their prayers and support to get through the process.

In wondering where, we've always said China. We taught in China five years ago and just fell in love with the little ones at the school. SO sweet.... we love the culture, the food, the people, etc. Well, they are making the requirements harder and it looks like a 6-8 year wait. Hmmmm.... we're looking at other places. In reading through blogs and trying to find stories to follow, I've constantly come across Ethiopia. I even randomly met a lady at Claire's first swim lesson who had gone through the Ethiopian adoption process and she gave me her info (http://www.ourtaiwaneseadoption.blogspot.com/) Honestly, I never thought that as an option but the more and more I read and see pictures, the more I love those sweet faces I see. The statistics of children's death rates, AIDS rates and orphan numbers is heart breaking and astounding. Then when the Haiti earthquake happened Jan. 13th, I thought maybe God wants us to look into Haiti?

So that's where we are right now. Praying and waiting for God's perfect timing.