my hubby

Can I just say that my husband is A-MAZING? Neil, I love you so much and just feel like the most blessed woman to have snatched you up =) God certainly knew how good we'd be for each other. I'm so thankful that we are both 100% ready for this step in our lives because I've read about some others who struggle with convincing their spouse. Not us! God has truly put our forever child in our hearts and I can't wait to really start this journey with you. There will be a lot of valleys but just the moment we will get to hold our beautiful bambino... it will be all worth it in the end. And to think how our family will have stregthened and grown in faith. I can't even fathom what will happen to us the next two years. With God as our guide, I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else but YOU!

Part 2: Why (by Neil)

In my first post I discussed the first reason why we wanted to adopt and focused on "our calling" to adopt. Now I move towards more "concrete" reasons.

As a little brother I was always on the look out for what was "fair". "Shannon got the front seat last time - that's not fair!" "Shannon's been on the phone for an hour - it's not fair!" As I grew older, my concern for fairness changed out of just selfish gain and grew to become a passion for justice for the world around me. As I became educated and grew more aware at the inequities of the global economic system it disturbed and angered me.

A few months back when praying with Claire, I asked for God to help us heal this broken world. Claire immediately interrupted the prayer and said, "Dad, the world isn't broken." I had to be the first to tell her that this world isn't as it should be. I explained that there were many sad and terrible things going on, even as we prayed. You might just think this is a nice example about a child's innocence, but for most of us the immediate world around us "isn't" broken. We're quite comfortable in our air conditioned homes, flat screen HDTV's and wireless internet. Most of us go to sleep well-fed (or over-fed) in our comfortable beds. There is a disconnect between our reality and the reality as experienced by most of our neighbors around the world.

For most of the world, life is hard and frequently, an unforgiving place. I thought about copying and pasting world poverty statistics but sometimes numbers can numb us or even paralyze us with fear that the problem is too big to solve. However, if you are curious about global hunger and global poverty there are many fine web sites that are just a click away, like Oxfam or UNICEF.

To sum up the situation:

 Billions of people live on the edge....a minor emergency or loss of a job might crash them into abject poverty.

 Billions live without physical security, health care, or basic human and worker rights.

 Millions don't know if they will be able to eat today, many of them surviving and living in landfills.

 Thousands of children around the world die every single day from hunger or lack of clean water.

 Hundreds of thousands, if not over a million of children reside in poverty-stricken countries and are in need of food, education, and most of all, love and hope from two parents that can provide the basics for their lives.


I believe these facts should be unacceptable to all of us. I don't really want to explore the logistical or political issues in how these problems could be/should be solved because it frankly doesn't matter. It seems to me that those of us in the industrialized nations collectively lack the compassion, creativity and will power to eradicate these issues. Worse still, we actually benefit from their suffering in various ways (ever wonder how you got that cell phone for under a hundred dollars or that Old Navy T-shirt for 5 bucks?)

So, what are we doing about this? Sure, we can continue to write off checks to Oxfam or other organizations (and I'd suggest you do so, as well)....but what else? I talk about global and local poverty in my class, I try to include social justice in my teaching at the church. We do some volunteer work from time to time here in San Antonio...but still....What am I going to do about this? How can we help this desperate situation?

Before I go further I want to make it clear we're not adopting because we want to accomplish a great charitable act. We don't think of this as our "good deed" or are looking for a pat on the back. Having said that, I believe our concerns for global poverty did help motivate us towards this decision.

Many claim that international adoption only props up the system of inequity. Some claim that many children that are internationally adopted are often "stolen" or given to agencies for money. We take both of these concerns seriously.

We want to select an agency that has a spotless record of legal adoption. We will not select an organization that pays mothers for their babies. That's one issue that I have several questions about to potential agencies when we get further into the process. I also agree in the inherent tragic circumstances that results in a mother giving her child up. I believe a mother should never be forced to give up a child because of poverty. However, the fact remains it happens frequently.

I often tell my students that we should "do what we can, when we can" - meaning we might not individually end global poverty but that we can take steps within our means. While we will be advocates for systemic change we also recognize that right now there are children that need homes. We want to take responsibility for our piece of this puzzle in solving global poverty. We want to raise our son (yes, son) to be an advocate for his home country. We want to help change the world by changing one situation.

Well, I've written a lot but I haven't finished just yet. In the next entry I will write on the role that our faith has played into our decision.

Why? By Neil


I decided to jump into the blog, so here I go, head first.

Why? It’s a general question that I often ask myself and it has been a driving force in my own life.

I ask my students to know who they are, what they believe and why…so I can’t ask myself anything less.

Before we had seriously contemplated adoption, we didn’t realize the need to be able to fully articulate why we wanted to do this. It all seemed so far away in the future that our feelings and answers were general and non-concrete.

However, not only do I need to answer this question for myself but I want to answer this question so that I can be ready to respond to those who don’t understand why we want to adopt.


I’ll start with the most difficult to explain, the most intangible, but probably the most important reason…it’s our calling.


Part I: The Calling

I don’t know when it happened but it was long before Kathryn and I were married when we first discussed adoption. I hadn’t given it serious thought up until that point but like most things I had an open mind about it.

As years went by we discussed it more frequently, but in general and broad terms. We assumed we would take it more seriously after we had our first child. Years went by, Claire came and although we spoke about it a little more often we put off any serious discussion until our second child. A few years went by and then Eden came and now….we find ourselves at a crossroad.

I don’t know how to express this without sounding crazy – but I think adoption is one of our “callings”. I don’t necessarily mean this in mystical sense (although more on that below) but I think something in us is driving us with the desire to adopt. I might define this “calling” as a mish-mash of our personalities, passions, spirit, interests and maybe, just maybe, our destiny (this is starting to sound like a "Lost" episode).

I’m a little wary of reading too much into my past or my present because I think humans have a tendency to justify just about any decision by doing just that. However, when I think about where my interests and personality meet, it’s telling. I have an open mind, an interest in global travel and a passion for social justice. Combine this with my (our) Christian background, adoption seems to make more sense. I am a believer but often I feel a little odd proclaiming my interests to be in line with “God’s will” (this presumption has led to justifications that were never in God’s will)….but it feels as though God has placed these interests in our hearts for a reason. It doesn’t mean these interests and passions are solely there for me to become an adoptive father, but rather they exist there to make me who I am.

I believe there is something in our hearts that has been calling us and is calling us towards this path. I don’t know if I can fully understand why or how – but to deny the calling would be like trying to change the direction of the wind. I told Kathryn a few weeks back that there will never be a day that we will regret taking this child as our own….but there likely would be a day when we ponder what kind of a difference we could have made by adopting.


Next up will be Part II: Justice