Why Ethiopia?

Upon telling everyone about our decision to start our journey I've gotten a ton of questions which I love because it gives me the opportunity to explain and share our story. The most frequent question is "Why did yall choose Ethiopia?" so I thought I'd copy an email I sent to my aunt when she asked. Of course, there are a TON more reasons "why" that we've written about and those can be read by clicking on the "why" link on the left side bar under "What we write about". =)

We had always said we'd adopt from China because of our experience there but both spouses had to be 30 before starting the process. When we looked into it again back in Dec. the China wait is now 4-6 years to get a healthy baby! We couldn't believe how long the wait was now. They also changed their qualifications because they have realized how much they are adopting out and how skewed their popluation is for gender ratio. Many more boys than girls and it's affecting them greatly.

So we started researching elsewhere. I came across a TON of people who have adopted or are adopting from Ethiopia and found out that next to China, Ethiopia is the most common country to adopt from now! A huge reason is because the process is much more reasonable than other intrenational adoptions, the country welcomes American families to adopt and it's always a plus to have the government to be supportive because they could change anything at anytime in the process. The adoption environment seems to be very stable comparitively and you only had to travel once when you usually have to travel twice. Well, last month they did change the travel requirement to two times so that will probably deflect some of the people who were interested (sadly) but by the time we got that news, we were already in love and sold on the country. I've read over and over again how much you just love the people and country after you return and how many people go back numerous times. They have such content hearts over there and are so generous and kind.

Also, here are some ASTOUNDING statistics that just opened our eyes to the need for orphan care over there:

WHY ETHIOPIA?
~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutritio
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)
~ There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia (the country is twice the size of Texas)
~ Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
~ Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.
~ 88% will never attend secondary school
~ Coffee prices (Ethiopia's only major export) declined 40-60% from 1998-2002
~ Ethiopia's doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000
~ Severe drought struck country from 2000-2002 (first year no crops, second year no seeds, third year no animals)

Isn't that terrible? So with all that info and with God's help pointing us in that direction, we feel really called to adopt from Ethiopia. The day after I realized that we could adopt from Eth. (back in Jan.) I met a family at Claire's swim school who was just about to travel to get their little girl! I hadn't seen her since then and a few weeks ago her other little girl was put in Claire's swim class so now we see each other every week! She has been a great resource and will be a great friend. God totally put her in our life! God has obviously put adoption on our hearts from the very beginning of our family which I've found to be rare but even more rare, He has given both Neil and I the passion for different countries and cultures. For helping where there is need. For teaching our girl's that there is NO boundary on love. We both share that and most amazingly, we share it at the same time when a lot of couples have one ready and not the other.

We won't know who our little one is until we get a referral which won't be for another 6-7 months away. But God knows who He has for us! At the time of referral we will get as much information as they have about his medical history, health (they do extensive testing) and family background. There are so many reasons why there are so many orphans - parent's die (huge number of women die during childbirth), they can't afford to take care of a baby, they don't want the baby, etc. The bottom line is there are SO many and we must respond.
First of all, I have to admit that I kind of struggled with the decision because it was such a new idea in the first place. I mean, what did I know about Ethiopia? Or Africa for that matter? How was I going to raise a healthy, strong black man in today's society? I was scared and still have our fears. We are going into this knowing that we will have challenges and questions. But we just kept being pointed to Ethiopia and God really made it clear that this was HIS plan, not ours. We were to follow His lead and be obedient. We trust that He will give us exactly what we need when we need it.

So sweet

After our phone appointment with AGCI, Claire said "Did the nursery say yes?" It took us awhile to realize she meant to say "agency" and we laughed and said actually, we get to say yes to have them help bring baby brother home. She did a little cheer with her arms out of excitement and then a few minutes later she put her head on the table and said, "I'm so excited" and I asked her why and she said "Because I'm going to have a baby brother!!"

Melts my heart to hear Claire talk about him and how excited she is. Daily she says, "I want to name our baby brother _______" and she tells me a new name! Here are some of her ideas: Zack, Brian, Jack
We're going to wait to hear his given name to see if we can modify it or not. If not, we will choose a meaningful name for him and probably keep his given name as his middle name! We want his given name to continue to be part of who he is. Neil and I weren't very good at discussing boy names so we'll see how that goes!

It's official!

Well, we had our phone appointment with AGCI and it went great! We were highly impressed with the time she took with us to answer our questions and how thourough she was with her information. The great news is that we can be only on a boy wait list and they are now Hague accredited!! These were the only two things that gave us pause so now that those are cleared up, we're in! We have decided to adopt using AGCI so the process begins. Neil has to get a doctor's documentation about his Melanoma so that Ethiopia doesn't reject us with the word "cancer". She said it shouldn't be a problem as long as we have dr. documentation on record. Then it's filling out a financial worksheet and doing our phone orientation before we officially sign the contract. WOW - this is really happening! I will tell you that we are so excited but so nervous! We are trusting that God's hand will be with us all the way and give us exactly what we need at exactly the right time. He has always been faithful so there is no reason to doubt Him now. This is going to be a huge leap of faith and I look forward to how He will be working through us and everyone else who will be on this journey with our family.

Neil told his parent's last night and I had talked to my parent's on Friday. We'd tried to tell everyone we could but I was bursting at the seams to announce to our church family and friends so last night I was up sending email after email! I asked for specific prayers for our baby boy who is probably already concieved and for his birth mother. To be with her and baby brother's health. To be with her as she is probably having to make the hardest decision of her life to give up her child. I couldn't even imagine. Our joy is someone's heartache...

A Big Week

Well, it's been an eventful two weeks with our decision to get started =) So exciting! We were busy telling family and friends before we announce it on a wider scale to the blog and facebook world. But today was really big as we did our first submission to an agency. We filled out the pre-app for AGCI tonight and I just hit the send button! Wow - this is really happening! We have a phone appointment Monday with a AGCI consultant to go over the pre-app and get any of our questions answered. No fee and no obligation. I really love this agency and for so many reasons. Our only hesitation at all is having to be on the boy and girl wait list when we really want to bring a baby boy home. We'll see how it goes on Monday!!

Swim lessons

At the beginning of January, I met a family who was just about to leave for Ethiopia to pick up their daughter while at the Love to Swim School. I wrote about it in my first God-incidences post =) It was just the perfect timing for me to hear her story and start following her blog.

Well, I ran into her again last Tuesday after not seeing her once at Love to Swim and guess what? Her middle little girl, Indigo, is now in Claire's class! How cool is that? It was kid of weird to tell someone "Yes, I've been stalking...I mean, reading your blog since Jan. so I know everything that has happened to you!" Kind of like meeting a celebrity even though I know Rachel would laugh if I told her that! Little Evie is about to be 1 year old and I can't wait to meet her tomorrow at swim lessons. She wasn't there last week so of course I had to ask if she would be coming next week. Looking forward to seeing those dark eyes and chubby cheeks in person.

I was able to ask her a lot of questions again and looking forward to telling her that we will probably be starting our paper pregnancy sooner than later. I also want to get her advice and knowledge on the whole adoption credit/refund thing.

I love to see God working everything out in His own perfect timing! I pray that we are obedient and list whole-heartedly.

Children's HopeChest

SO excited to become part of this awesome organization!

Your financial commitment of $34/month provides for the most basic needs of children in the community. HopeChest will assist in providing food, water, access to basic medical care, education and discipleship. While $34 cannot meet all the needs of a child suffering through extreme poverty, it does provide significant help.


In our community-to-community model, all funds are "pooled" together so that if one child does not have a sponsor, they will still have these needs met. Your contribution of $34 a month will go towards providing food, clothing, and access to medical care, as well education and discipleship.

Tax refund!

Just read this on a blog I follow:
http://www.asformyhousehold.blogspot.com/2010/03/adoption-tax-credit.html

It used to be a tax credit so the fact that it's now a refund it amazing. This makes us feel a little more of an urgency because it might change at the end of 2011. Wow - another thing to pray for... Praise God for this blessing to those who are adopting right now!

A Taste of Ethiopia

We traveled to Austin on Thursday to visit Billy and took him to try a highly recommended Ethiopian restaurant, Aster's. It was super good! A little tiny building but super clean and everyone was so friendly.

You could tell that a lot of the people were regulars. Most everyone ate with the forks but I noticed that there was a couple to the right of us who were only using the injera bread. Couldn't tell if they were only using their right hands or not (didn't want to stare!) My first taste of Ethiopian cuisine was split yellow peas with injear bread in my right hand. Very tasty... the injera bread has a very unique texture and taste. Kind of sour and spongy. I loved it as it kind of neutralized some of the spice. Billy and Neil were not fans. Claire wasn't either but I'm glad she at least tried it! She did enjoy her dance with Uncle Billy after we were wrapping up our meal.

We all (except Claire) loved it and would definitly go back for their buffet or even just a meal now that we know what we liked. My favorite was the stewed carrots and cabbage and the stewed tidbits of beef. They used a lot of onion, garlic, tumin and even cinnamon. Berbere is a spice that is unique to Ethiopian food and makes things spicy!

Eden attracted a lot of people and I'm so glad because we met an interesting man who happened to be from San Antonio. He asked if we'd been there and he hadn't either but loved Ethiopian food! He had a young man from Ethiopia live with them for seven years while he was going to St. Mary's. So they have a lot of experience with the food eating it all over country including Paris where this young man's family now has a restaurant. Cool! He said to me, "Oh! And you're eating it just like they do! But your left hand would be in your lap." SO cool that he noticed and gave me the tip =) Of course I was holing Eden's food with my left hand so I had a good excuse. (I did break out the fork because I was going through the bread like crazy). I should've asked him after they ate how it compared... darn! We even parked next to them. They had ACCD faculty sticker so maybe we'll run into them again someday.

We would recommend Aster's to anyone and will be going back. Wish they had a restaurant here in San Antonio so we could try it more often.

It was so nice to visit with Billy and for him to spend some time with the girls. With our car space, he had to camp out in the back (which is something we NEVER do) so ever since, Claire is telling everyone that Unlce Billy sat in the back. Guess it made an impression!

Oh! Love the pictures of this photographers experience at a restaurant in Nashville. Here is the link because it really depicts the food in a fresh, cool way:
http://darlingjourney.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/second-times-the-charm/

Our first funds

Today marks the day we officially started our adoption fund! I bought this chair for Neil's birthday because we really needed a chair for our computer desk. We had just moved into the house (back in June 2005) and we were pretty much broke. I found it for around $30 and it was one of the most uncomfortable chairs we've owned. Well, after sitting in our garage for about 2 years, this chair was sold on Craig's List for $20! We've been looking around the house for other things to start selling because we definitly have too much stuff.

Good bye chair - hello adoption mula!

Our first bump

Yesterday I found out that Ethiopia change their adoption process immediately so that adoptive parents would have to travel twice - first to appear in court and met their child and another time to actually get your child and finalize everything. We were thrown for a loop a little bit thinking about how that might change things for us. I can't even IMAGINE already being in the process and then getting word of this change. Especially to those who have their court date right around the corner. I know that every adoption will have it's curve balls and faith building blocks.

Surprisingly it didn't really change too much for us and how we feel about being called to raise a child from Ethiopia. We look at it as an opportunity to travel more, to know more about the counrty and to get to hold our baby even sooner. Of course the idea of leaving our baby behind is heart aching but to kiss and hold them and look them in the eye to SAY "I love you" will be amazing. We'll see who gets to travel because it will probably only be one of us. It will be hard on us both no matter what the decision.

my hubby

Can I just say that my husband is A-MAZING? Neil, I love you so much and just feel like the most blessed woman to have snatched you up =) God certainly knew how good we'd be for each other. I'm so thankful that we are both 100% ready for this step in our lives because I've read about some others who struggle with convincing their spouse. Not us! God has truly put our forever child in our hearts and I can't wait to really start this journey with you. There will be a lot of valleys but just the moment we will get to hold our beautiful bambino... it will be all worth it in the end. And to think how our family will have stregthened and grown in faith. I can't even fathom what will happen to us the next two years. With God as our guide, I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else but YOU!

Part 2: Why (by Neil)

In my first post I discussed the first reason why we wanted to adopt and focused on "our calling" to adopt. Now I move towards more "concrete" reasons.

As a little brother I was always on the look out for what was "fair". "Shannon got the front seat last time - that's not fair!" "Shannon's been on the phone for an hour - it's not fair!" As I grew older, my concern for fairness changed out of just selfish gain and grew to become a passion for justice for the world around me. As I became educated and grew more aware at the inequities of the global economic system it disturbed and angered me.

A few months back when praying with Claire, I asked for God to help us heal this broken world. Claire immediately interrupted the prayer and said, "Dad, the world isn't broken." I had to be the first to tell her that this world isn't as it should be. I explained that there were many sad and terrible things going on, even as we prayed. You might just think this is a nice example about a child's innocence, but for most of us the immediate world around us "isn't" broken. We're quite comfortable in our air conditioned homes, flat screen HDTV's and wireless internet. Most of us go to sleep well-fed (or over-fed) in our comfortable beds. There is a disconnect between our reality and the reality as experienced by most of our neighbors around the world.

For most of the world, life is hard and frequently, an unforgiving place. I thought about copying and pasting world poverty statistics but sometimes numbers can numb us or even paralyze us with fear that the problem is too big to solve. However, if you are curious about global hunger and global poverty there are many fine web sites that are just a click away, like Oxfam or UNICEF.

To sum up the situation:

 Billions of people live on the edge....a minor emergency or loss of a job might crash them into abject poverty.

 Billions live without physical security, health care, or basic human and worker rights.

 Millions don't know if they will be able to eat today, many of them surviving and living in landfills.

 Thousands of children around the world die every single day from hunger or lack of clean water.

 Hundreds of thousands, if not over a million of children reside in poverty-stricken countries and are in need of food, education, and most of all, love and hope from two parents that can provide the basics for their lives.


I believe these facts should be unacceptable to all of us. I don't really want to explore the logistical or political issues in how these problems could be/should be solved because it frankly doesn't matter. It seems to me that those of us in the industrialized nations collectively lack the compassion, creativity and will power to eradicate these issues. Worse still, we actually benefit from their suffering in various ways (ever wonder how you got that cell phone for under a hundred dollars or that Old Navy T-shirt for 5 bucks?)

So, what are we doing about this? Sure, we can continue to write off checks to Oxfam or other organizations (and I'd suggest you do so, as well)....but what else? I talk about global and local poverty in my class, I try to include social justice in my teaching at the church. We do some volunteer work from time to time here in San Antonio...but still....What am I going to do about this? How can we help this desperate situation?

Before I go further I want to make it clear we're not adopting because we want to accomplish a great charitable act. We don't think of this as our "good deed" or are looking for a pat on the back. Having said that, I believe our concerns for global poverty did help motivate us towards this decision.

Many claim that international adoption only props up the system of inequity. Some claim that many children that are internationally adopted are often "stolen" or given to agencies for money. We take both of these concerns seriously.

We want to select an agency that has a spotless record of legal adoption. We will not select an organization that pays mothers for their babies. That's one issue that I have several questions about to potential agencies when we get further into the process. I also agree in the inherent tragic circumstances that results in a mother giving her child up. I believe a mother should never be forced to give up a child because of poverty. However, the fact remains it happens frequently.

I often tell my students that we should "do what we can, when we can" - meaning we might not individually end global poverty but that we can take steps within our means. While we will be advocates for systemic change we also recognize that right now there are children that need homes. We want to take responsibility for our piece of this puzzle in solving global poverty. We want to raise our son (yes, son) to be an advocate for his home country. We want to help change the world by changing one situation.

Well, I've written a lot but I haven't finished just yet. In the next entry I will write on the role that our faith has played into our decision.

God-incidence

I heard this word on another blog where the women was making reference to all the times she saw God's hand in her life. I certainly don't believe in a coincidence so I love this word! Over the past three months I've had a ton of God-incidences and I'd love to write them down so I can remember them!

The first and most specific and vivid happened back on January 11th. God put me at the right place at the right time! A few weeks before was when I first came across a blog called "Our Hearts are in Ethiopia". Neil and I started following it as they had just gotten back with their first baby boy. My best friend Kate was the mother's roomate in college for one year and I had met her at least once a loooooooong time ago. But I still felt connected knowing someone mutual =) Through her blog I learned that Ethiopia adoption was growing and becoming more common. I went to a ton of blogs from theirs to read a lot of people's stories. I was growing fascinated by the country and loving these dark brown eyes I was seeing over and over again. On January 10th I remember thinking "We could be these people! We could really adopt from Ethiopia." Wondering what kind of community they had in San Antonio, I searched but didn't find much of anything.

Ok.... now onto Jan 11th. Claire had her first swim lesson that day and as I was getting Claire ready for her lesson (in the wrong area mind you), I overheard a woman telling one of the coaches that they were going to be missing lessons. They were traveling to Ethiopia to pick up their daughter they just adopted. WHAT?! Did I hear her correctly?  So once I got Claire in the right place, I told the lady that I didn't mean to listen but heard she was adopting from Ethiopia. We talked about their story for a little bit. They started their process adopting from Taiwan but switched about a year ago. She was in a rush to get out so she gave me her email, blog site and phone number. I've been following their blog ever since and I've never seen her at lessons again. So cool.... God really encouraged me through this meeting with a total stranger that I felt oddly connected to. They are now back with Evie and adjusting with having three kiddos under the age of 5.

Well, because the earthquake in Haiti happened that week, there was a TON of adoption talk all around the media. Every time I turned the TV or radio on they were wondering what was happening to all the kids. I saw a special on Oprah, GMA and a 20 minute segment on Dr. Phil - that's a huge amount of time to discuss adoption in Haiti. All this kept coming at me for about three weeks and every time I learned something new. Something else to consider or pray about.

Jan. 26th I started corresponding with Sara Matheny when I found out they were wanting to start the adoption process too! I was so excited to know someone personally who was going through things now and to exchange some research. They were looking at two of the agencies I was really looking into and even considering Ethiopia. Sara and her hubby Philip went to church with us way back BC (Before Claire). They were just expecting their first so I guess that was almost 5 years ago.

I've been so overwhelmed with reading and asking for agency packets from everywhere trying to see which one is the best for us. It's so hard. I feel pulled to different ones for different reasons. AGCI is one that I feel emotionally tied to because it is the agency that "Our Hearts" used and it was my first agency to really learn about. They have a wonderful program from what I read and they have been so good about following up with me with a phone call and now with two emails seeing if we need help or have questions. I like that. So... Feb. 22nd I went to work. I walked into the choir room and Dianna said "First of all, we are all God's children...." Yes, she said that in a public school =) She was having on of her heart to hearts with the 7th graders. Basicly telling them we are all equal. And as I'm trying to get everything ready for lessons and wave my first student down to come to me, she said "I hope you adopt this idea...." It caught my ear and I thought how weird is that?  I don't know what it all means but I know God works through people. I'm not basing any decision off of it but I do find it interesting and a fun story!

There are other little things here and there. A song that comes on the radio. A new campaign on KLOVE about meeting the needs of the oppressed. Mostly it's something that I read on another blog... I could go on and on.

I love it when I see His hand and prints all over our lives and I especially love sharing what He is doing in our hearts. Just the past week I feel like we've probably made the decision to go with Ethiopian adoption we just haven't officially made it so! We just speak as if that's what's going to happen! I'm getting so excited!

A new chapter

I'm getting so excited about this new chapter of our lives. Right now I still feel on the outside. I read blogs pretty much everyday and read the stories of others. I see this community that those who have adopted all belong to and it is amazing. Supportive. HUGE!

One day soon we will become PART of this community. I've worried about how people will respond but then I get reassured knowing there is a whole world of adoption supporters out there just waiting to welcome us! It's funny because the chapter of kids started almost 4 years ago but this time it'll be a new chapter. Another child yes but the way this experience will change and teach our entire family will make it different. Something I've heard over and over again is that the families almost benefit more than the kiddos do. This child brought to our home will teach us so much and I just can't wait!

Learning the terms

While researching some grant ideas with Shohannah's Hope, it says that the agency we are working with must be a 501(c)(3). Had now idea what that meant so here is a link:

What does it mean to be a 501(c)(3)?
501 meaning they are more charitable, educational or religious
c - list of the exempt organizations
3 - organization operating for a bunch of different things but I specificly saw religious and prevention of cruelty to animals

Now was does it mean to be Hague accredited? (Buckner is actually both)

Hague Accreditation establishes safeguards to ensure intercountry adoption occurs in the best interest of children and families with the highest of integrity and ethics in practice. It is expected that The Hague will be in full force by April 2008.

-America’s commitment on a global level for providing protection and best practice in adoption of the world’s children.

Shohannah's link for adoption grant info including a list of 501(c)(3) agencies. This page also gives idea for other ways to fund an adoption including other organizations that award grants and have small loans.

American World Adoption Agency

We got our AWAA packet today - finally! It was delayed with all the snow on the east coast. It's like Christmas when I hear the UPS truck come and drop something off. I didn't know what it was until I opened the door (thanking the UPS person for not rinigng the doorbell) and there it was. A beautiful presentation. Still need to look all the way through it but it came with country info sheets along with the prices, etc. It also came with a DVD that we'll watch soon. The Chapman family used this agency along with a few other families that I'm following right now. It seems to be a great organization. It's so overwhleming to go through everything and wonder which one is right for us. Still praying for direction....

Why Ethiopia?

WHY ETHIOPIA?

~ One in ten children die before their first birthday
~ One in six children die before their fifth birthday
~ 44% of the population is under 15 years old
~ 60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
~ The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old
~ 1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest
in the world)
~ There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia
~ Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country
in Africa
~ Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.
~ 88% will never attend secondary school
~ Coffee prices (Ethiopia's only major export) declined 40-60% from 1998-2002
~ Ethiopia's doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000
~ Severe drought struck country from 2000-2002
(first year no crops, second year no seeds, third year
no animals)

Why? By Neil


I decided to jump into the blog, so here I go, head first.

Why? It’s a general question that I often ask myself and it has been a driving force in my own life.

I ask my students to know who they are, what they believe and why…so I can’t ask myself anything less.

Before we had seriously contemplated adoption, we didn’t realize the need to be able to fully articulate why we wanted to do this. It all seemed so far away in the future that our feelings and answers were general and non-concrete.

However, not only do I need to answer this question for myself but I want to answer this question so that I can be ready to respond to those who don’t understand why we want to adopt.


I’ll start with the most difficult to explain, the most intangible, but probably the most important reason…it’s our calling.


Part I: The Calling

I don’t know when it happened but it was long before Kathryn and I were married when we first discussed adoption. I hadn’t given it serious thought up until that point but like most things I had an open mind about it.

As years went by we discussed it more frequently, but in general and broad terms. We assumed we would take it more seriously after we had our first child. Years went by, Claire came and although we spoke about it a little more often we put off any serious discussion until our second child. A few years went by and then Eden came and now….we find ourselves at a crossroad.

I don’t know how to express this without sounding crazy – but I think adoption is one of our “callings”. I don’t necessarily mean this in mystical sense (although more on that below) but I think something in us is driving us with the desire to adopt. I might define this “calling” as a mish-mash of our personalities, passions, spirit, interests and maybe, just maybe, our destiny (this is starting to sound like a "Lost" episode).

I’m a little wary of reading too much into my past or my present because I think humans have a tendency to justify just about any decision by doing just that. However, when I think about where my interests and personality meet, it’s telling. I have an open mind, an interest in global travel and a passion for social justice. Combine this with my (our) Christian background, adoption seems to make more sense. I am a believer but often I feel a little odd proclaiming my interests to be in line with “God’s will” (this presumption has led to justifications that were never in God’s will)….but it feels as though God has placed these interests in our hearts for a reason. It doesn’t mean these interests and passions are solely there for me to become an adoptive father, but rather they exist there to make me who I am.

I believe there is something in our hearts that has been calling us and is calling us towards this path. I don’t know if I can fully understand why or how – but to deny the calling would be like trying to change the direction of the wind. I told Kathryn a few weeks back that there will never be a day that we will regret taking this child as our own….but there likely would be a day when we ponder what kind of a difference we could have made by adopting.


Next up will be Part II: Justice

From Ashes to Africa

AGCI - First agency packet

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed."
Psalm 82:3

We got AGCI packet last Thursday and I was like a kid on Christmas opening up the package! I had the kids by myself all day (Neil was out of town) and didn't get to it till about 10 at night but I read cover to cover. It was very exciting to have the info right at my fingertips when there is so much that you can't access online. It came with a book that I just started and a DVD that Neil and I will watch together.

Wow - this is just another step in this exciting journey of research. I continue to ask God for His guidance so I don't pass on what exactly He wants for us. The one thing that the packet kept saying is "the child God has chosen for you". LOVE that!

"We're committed to uniting your family with the child God has chosen for you."
"AGCI believes that, if God has called you to adoption, He has chosen a child for your family."
"We strive to assist families in detereming which program is right for them and ultimately, where God has chosen your child"

It was so amazing to think that even now, God knows all the details of this journey and ultimately the child who will be ours one day. He knows them by name!!

Someone else is embracing our family's desire to adopt - big sister Claire!!
She pointed through and said "I want to bring that girl/boy home." When she saw the Ethiopian page she asked "Is that Haiti?" So sweet. (She asks to pray for Haiti every night) Last night before bed she said "We're going to have a brother someday." I laughed and said I prayed we would. So she said "If he wants to play with my blue purse, I'll give it to him. And if he wants my star purse, I'll let him play with it." This is her new purse from Grandma that is sparkly and attached to her all day. I said "Your star purse?!" and she looked at me and said "mmmmmmm.... maybe not my star purse!" We talk freely about it around her and she will say things here and there that encourages me that her heart is as open to bringing someone into our family as we are.

Another reality check

Because adoption has always been in the plan for us, I was hit with a huge dose of reality today. While researching and leaning more towards an international/interacial adoption I knew that it would be a challenge for some people to understand. Not to mention the questions we will get for the rest of our family's lives. Well, guess I didn't realize that some people would have a hard time with just the idea of adoption - even family and close friends. It came as a shock to me to think that some of the people we love the most wouldn't be 100% supportive and that they would have very strong opinions against it.

That night Neil and I talked about it a lot and now we know that our journey will not only be faith building and eye opening for us. Our prayer is that it will also open the eyes and hearts of the people around us. More open to adoption, to opening your home to complete love someone, to redefining the word family, to creating a picture of unity between cultures, to seeing God's heart for the opressed, widowed, orphaned, poor, etc. Our community will hopefully become more aware of the poverty around the world and the need for us Christians to answer the call to helping those in need. To love everyone. To be Christ's hands and feet.

As much as I hate to admit it, this realization makes me nervous because I am unfortunately still one who cares what others think. I like getting people's approval. I'm definately a people pleaser. Fortunately, I married someone who is his own man. Neil has this amazing ability of doing what is right no matter what others think. He has helped me feel more confident in who I am and what we stand for and believe in. So we will push on and forward knowing that God not only has some amazing plans for us but for the people in our lives as we go through this together.

Fundraising

I want to make sure to keep track of some fundraising ideas...

- Bake sales at church
- Babysitting/date night (babysitters would volunteer their time)
- Benefit concert
- Sell stuff on Craigslist
- Silent auction - gather things from people/businesses for bids
     (Eric for lesson or 2, custom scrapbook from me, Jennifer Denton photo shoot, Mike photo shoot, Sea World passes from JJ or Todd, Voice or Guitar lessons from Andy) possibly online
- mow lawns
- donate button on blog
- Having Andy's band do a tip night

Reality

This is a hard post for me but I've been thinking about it a lot and wanting to get it out. When we first started talking about adoption I was only 22 and we were set on China. The minimum age requirement was 30 so we knew we had awhile before we'd be on that road. Well, now I'm turning thirty, we have two girls and this adoption that we've always talked about is now a reality. Honestly, about 3-4 months ago it kind of hit me - this reality - and I freaked out. I was doubting. I mean, this would now be the next step in our family. Is this really what we want?

In facing my doubt and being honest with myself, I realized that it was me being selfish and just plain greedy. I wanted to be pregnant again so I could feel that baby moving, eat what I want, experience the miracle of birth all over again. How could I choose that when I've already been blessed with two pregnancies and so many women are unable to have any? I doubted being able to bond with a child who I didn't "carry". But you know who was making me feel like this? Satan. He sure does convince a girl. But you know who won again? God. He is so faithful with his peace and guidance. The Holy Spirit totally came over me about mid-December as I read through The Pratterbox Blog. I read the story of this young couple and was just overwhelmed. I saw a picture of little Aaron. His sweet round cheeks, big brown eyes, full puckered lips. He is SO darn cute! But then I watched a video of how Hannah's Hope was established and when I watched those children just in awe of getting shoes.... wow.... this little boy was dancing like I've never seen before. That bright smile, lanky arms and utter joy... I was sold and I no longer felt like I NEEDED to be pregnant again. I just need and WANT to be a mother to another beautiful child.

I know that HE gave us a heart for adoption. For orphans. For the least of these.

And we shouldn't ignore it.

Neil said something the other night. He said that we are equipped with gifts and called to jobs such as teaching and that he thinks people are called to adoption. We have ceratinly been called and we will not let the machine take a message. We are here and even though there is still a little fear of the unknown, we can rest in knowing that His will be done and that He will be there with us every step of the way.

Baby carrier

I was never one to strap the girls to me and carry them around but I know it will have to be different with numer 3. I've read that carrying them close to you in essential to the bonding that needs to happen when you aren't with them as newborns. I just found this awesome tutorial to make a baby carrier. It's similar to the ones that all the girls from church use (forgot what it's called) but it really supports their weight on their bottom rather than the crouch like the bjorn. Don't want to forget this idea!

http://ourtaiwaneseadoption.blogspot.com/2010/02/1-week.html

The other story

As I'm following along with people's stories and holding on for the next post like pages in a fabulous book, I have really learned to realize there are two sides to the story. Yes, this family I'm reading about it will be bringing a baby home or has already met their sweet one but there was a really tough decision made for that to happen. The other story belongs to the birth families. The mother had to decide to give this child up because she couldn't take care of them one way or another or even more heartbreaking, she didn't want them. But either way, that child will always be part of her and she will always remember them. I couldn't imagine having to give my child up or tragically leaving my child behind. I want to remember to pray diligently for our child's birth family so that while we may be rejoicing in seeing our numbers get closer to #1, someone far away is getting closer to losing a child they love.

I read the most touching post the other night when some new parents got to meet their baby boy's birth mother and grandfather... a tear jerker for sure and it just really touched my heart. How blessed they were to get pictures all together, to ask questions, to hug the woman who gave him life, to have even more closure than most are able to get. Here is the link so that I will be able to get back to the story easily when we might be in the same boat or so that we can pray to be in the same boat.
http://pratterbox.blogspot.com/2010/02/121609-birthfamily-meeting.html

First info packets

SO excited to get our first info packets from the two agency we will be looking into - AGCI and AWAA (American World Adoption Agency). We requested the AGCI packet three weeks ago but never got it so I'm about to request again and we are getting the AWAA in 3-5 business days. I also looked up seminars but could only find one near Dallas. Heard from someone at AWAA and he told me they will have their schedule up soon and should have one in SA this Spring.

So cool... in corresponding with Sara Matheny about their adoption process, I asked her about the two agencies above and she said those were the two they were looking at using as well. They are going to be using AGCI and I wanted to remember this list of reasons because they are awesome and will give me something to base my research and questions for other agencies. They really seem to have a heart for orphans and taking care of them as well as possible while they are waiting for their forever families.

There are several reasons AGCI is our favorite agency:


1) They're mission is bigger than just adoption.....they are about orphan care. They take care of the ones that don't get adopted, too.

2) In several countries they have their own orphanages. That way you know your child has been cared for and loved in those months that you're waiting to get them. In watching some "gotcha day" videos from AGCI, you can just see how much those caretaker women love those children. Other agencies might get your child from a government run orphanage where, in some cases, there are too many children in the orphanage to be properly cared for and loved.

3) They offer other options for mothers, like sponsorship. That gives me comfort in knowing that they didn't manipulate the birth mother into giving up her child, but if possible, offered her other options. Then I know their babies are there because they truly need to be adopted.

4) When Guatemala put a hold on adoption, many adoption agencies left because they could no longer work there. AGCI stayed because there are still children who need to be taken care of, even if they can't get adopted. I love that they are not about the business of adoption but about taking care of orphans. Sadly, there is a difference.

no, really.... why?

So I just read my last post and realized that I never REALLY expressed why I want to adopt besides it always being something I've wanted to do. Wow - this is a toughy and a loaded question but I can sum it up in a few short words.

God is Love.

He loves us enough to open His arms to us when we don't have anywhere to turn, to celebrate with us, to hold us up, to encourage us, to be the only one we can 100% depend on because we all know people disappoint and fail. He is there even when we turn away. What more precious than to share God's love to a child who doesn't know the word family? Who doesn't have someone they can turn to, celebrate with, get an atta-boy or atta-girl and just be themselves with people who will love them NO MATTER WHAT... it breaks my heart to know there are so many orphans out there wondering where they belong. Neil and I have SOOOO much love to give (Claire and Eden too!) and we want to share it with a child who needs and craves it so desperately. We want to show this child of our heart the love of Christ and let them know that we will love them NO MATTER WHAT. They will be our sweet child but they are first a child of God.

We are certainly not motivated simply by wanting to "save" someone but to LOVE them. Our heart breaks for all those children and although we can't help all of them, we can bring one home to a forever family.

"We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Matthew 25:35-40
35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

A seed is planted

People wonder why we want to adopt especially when we've been blessed with having two girls the old fashioned way and you know what? I don't remember a time in my life when I thought about kids and a family when adoption was ever an option for me. It's just always been something I wanted and I truly believe God placed in my heart.

When Neil and I started dating and talked about kids he was 100% on board with adoption because he knew that he wanted to do it some day too. How awesome is that? God planted it in our hearts long before we even fell in love. We always talked about wanting to have two biologically and then adopt our third.

Our heart strings attached to adoption actually made me think "I wonder if we won't be able to conceive?" and He was just getting our hearts ready for starting our adoption process earlier than our plan. Well, we got pregnant really fast with both girlies.

Throughout our years of marriage I've read, questioned others and researched but always thinking that it was far away. Now it's on our doorstep.... Eden is 14 months old. We'd like the kids to be close in age so we are now asking for prayers for God's will to be done as far as the when and where details. The past 3 weeks we've asked our life group to pray and this past weekend I put it on our prayer wall at the ladies retreat. So it's out there... people know we really are serious and that we are going to need their prayers and support to get through the process.

In wondering where, we've always said China. We taught in China five years ago and just fell in love with the little ones at the school. SO sweet.... we love the culture, the food, the people, etc. Well, they are making the requirements harder and it looks like a 6-8 year wait. Hmmmm.... we're looking at other places. In reading through blogs and trying to find stories to follow, I've constantly come across Ethiopia. I even randomly met a lady at Claire's first swim lesson who had gone through the Ethiopian adoption process and she gave me her info (http://www.ourtaiwaneseadoption.blogspot.com/) Honestly, I never thought that as an option but the more and more I read and see pictures, the more I love those sweet faces I see. The statistics of children's death rates, AIDS rates and orphan numbers is heart breaking and astounding. Then when the Haiti earthquake happened Jan. 13th, I thought maybe God wants us to look into Haiti?

So that's where we are right now. Praying and waiting for God's perfect timing.

Our First post

So this blog is a secret =)  In reading other stories, researching, brainstorming, etc. I realized I needed a place to keep my thoughts organized. I'm also excited to be following a number of adoption blogs through this one so that I can learn from experience. Gotta love the blog world!

I have so much to write... I don't even know how to express how I feel about this stage in our lives right now... exciting, fearful, anxious... but most of all, blessed. What an amazing journey God has given to our family. I pray that our hearts be opened to His will for when and where. For us to learn as much as possible. For us to be transformed into a more Christlike and faithful household throughout the process. For us to one day be united with the child that God already knows is ours bu first of all, HIS. I know He has it all figured out:

"For I have plans for you, Plans to proser and not to harm you" Jeremiah

Lord, use us for your glory and your will be done.