Reality

This is a hard post for me but I've been thinking about it a lot and wanting to get it out. When we first started talking about adoption I was only 22 and we were set on China. The minimum age requirement was 30 so we knew we had awhile before we'd be on that road. Well, now I'm turning thirty, we have two girls and this adoption that we've always talked about is now a reality. Honestly, about 3-4 months ago it kind of hit me - this reality - and I freaked out. I was doubting. I mean, this would now be the next step in our family. Is this really what we want?

In facing my doubt and being honest with myself, I realized that it was me being selfish and just plain greedy. I wanted to be pregnant again so I could feel that baby moving, eat what I want, experience the miracle of birth all over again. How could I choose that when I've already been blessed with two pregnancies and so many women are unable to have any? I doubted being able to bond with a child who I didn't "carry". But you know who was making me feel like this? Satan. He sure does convince a girl. But you know who won again? God. He is so faithful with his peace and guidance. The Holy Spirit totally came over me about mid-December as I read through The Pratterbox Blog. I read the story of this young couple and was just overwhelmed. I saw a picture of little Aaron. His sweet round cheeks, big brown eyes, full puckered lips. He is SO darn cute! But then I watched a video of how Hannah's Hope was established and when I watched those children just in awe of getting shoes.... wow.... this little boy was dancing like I've never seen before. That bright smile, lanky arms and utter joy... I was sold and I no longer felt like I NEEDED to be pregnant again. I just need and WANT to be a mother to another beautiful child.

I know that HE gave us a heart for adoption. For orphans. For the least of these.

And we shouldn't ignore it.

Neil said something the other night. He said that we are equipped with gifts and called to jobs such as teaching and that he thinks people are called to adoption. We have ceratinly been called and we will not let the machine take a message. We are here and even though there is still a little fear of the unknown, we can rest in knowing that His will be done and that He will be there with us every step of the way.