Why? By Neil


I decided to jump into the blog, so here I go, head first.

Why? It’s a general question that I often ask myself and it has been a driving force in my own life.

I ask my students to know who they are, what they believe and why…so I can’t ask myself anything less.

Before we had seriously contemplated adoption, we didn’t realize the need to be able to fully articulate why we wanted to do this. It all seemed so far away in the future that our feelings and answers were general and non-concrete.

However, not only do I need to answer this question for myself but I want to answer this question so that I can be ready to respond to those who don’t understand why we want to adopt.


I’ll start with the most difficult to explain, the most intangible, but probably the most important reason…it’s our calling.


Part I: The Calling

I don’t know when it happened but it was long before Kathryn and I were married when we first discussed adoption. I hadn’t given it serious thought up until that point but like most things I had an open mind about it.

As years went by we discussed it more frequently, but in general and broad terms. We assumed we would take it more seriously after we had our first child. Years went by, Claire came and although we spoke about it a little more often we put off any serious discussion until our second child. A few years went by and then Eden came and now….we find ourselves at a crossroad.

I don’t know how to express this without sounding crazy – but I think adoption is one of our “callings”. I don’t necessarily mean this in mystical sense (although more on that below) but I think something in us is driving us with the desire to adopt. I might define this “calling” as a mish-mash of our personalities, passions, spirit, interests and maybe, just maybe, our destiny (this is starting to sound like a "Lost" episode).

I’m a little wary of reading too much into my past or my present because I think humans have a tendency to justify just about any decision by doing just that. However, when I think about where my interests and personality meet, it’s telling. I have an open mind, an interest in global travel and a passion for social justice. Combine this with my (our) Christian background, adoption seems to make more sense. I am a believer but often I feel a little odd proclaiming my interests to be in line with “God’s will” (this presumption has led to justifications that were never in God’s will)….but it feels as though God has placed these interests in our hearts for a reason. It doesn’t mean these interests and passions are solely there for me to become an adoptive father, but rather they exist there to make me who I am.

I believe there is something in our hearts that has been calling us and is calling us towards this path. I don’t know if I can fully understand why or how – but to deny the calling would be like trying to change the direction of the wind. I told Kathryn a few weeks back that there will never be a day that we will regret taking this child as our own….but there likely would be a day when we ponder what kind of a difference we could have made by adopting.


Next up will be Part II: Justice